Firsts...

Last week my son promoted from Junior High, I guess it isn't "PC" to say graduated anymore? Well it was a busy couple of days and I have never been one to get totally emotional over my kids growing up. Yes it is sad to see them grow up, but honestly I enjoy it, I enjoy seeing them grow into themselves, enjoy seeing them become who they are. What I was sad about is that both of my kids go to a little K-8 school so they have been there for a long time and saying goodbye to that was harder.

But what was the hardest is that this was a double first for our family. Not only was this the first big event where we were no longer a "nuclear" family, but it was the first big event without our oldest son. And because of both of those things I had a very hard time getting through the day. I hated sitting there knowing that at the end of the ceremony we would be taking separate pictures of our son together and knowing that this is how it is from now, he and our kids and me and our kids. How sucky is that! Kind of burns me up inside. Sitting there thinking of all the events that will be in our future that I always thought we would be standing together for and now we will be separate, really tore me apart. The thought of all that really upset me.

See when I went into my marriage it was forever, there was no what if's in my mind. It was for better or for worse no matter what. And every day the reality of what is going on gets more and more real and that scares me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am strong enough to get through this, but the idea that I have to really burns me up inside. The idea that my kids have to go through this, the idea of all the stupid stuff that divorce brings with it- ugh it just makes me really upset.

But the one thing, if anything, I have learned these last several months is this- IT IS WHAT IT IS- and I can only take one day, one hour, and one minute at a time. It was hard to stand there and not have a whole family picture of us on that "promotion" day- because in just 4 short years my sweet family of 5 has gone to a family of 3, but I still have us 3 and I will do everything I can to keep us strong and together.