I really hate not feeling in control of my life, it is my least favorite feeling. One minute I think I have it all under control and a plan and then the next minute I am flying down another dip, it is really quite ridiculous. But then I saw this quote last night before I went to bed "Faith is having the courage to let God have control." and something inside me just clicked.
From this moment on I have got to just start living my life the way he would want me to! Forget about what others think I should be or could be doing, forget about how I think I should be doing things, or how I think things "ought" to be, and just live each day by day. If I could just give up this false sense of me being in control I know without a doubt the Lord will do amazing things in my life. He has before and he will again.
I don't have to ride this roller coaster ride if I don't want to, I think Satan likes seeing us on that roller coaster, he likes seeing us get all twisted up inside and confused and not knowing what to do. When we get that way our eyes get off the Lord and we don't lean on him in our times of need.
So this morning I woke up, and as soon as the "well if I just did this..." thoughts came into my head, I banished them quickly, made a list of things I wanted to accomplish for my day, ordered Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible Study for myself, drank a huge cup of coffee, said a long prayer, and now am going to start my day without thinking about the what if's and the what may be's. Because my what if's and my may be's are probably so very different then the Lords.
I have to trust in him in all things, particularly now, only he can soften the hearts of the ones around me, only he can lay the foundations of healing for me, and I have to be open to hearing him. If I get so busy in trying to ride this roller coaster of life, I won't ever be able to see his great plan for me.
"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher then I." Psalm 61:2
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