Target on my back

I just got back from the best 4 days ever!! So that is why I haven't been blogging- I was tempted to a couple of times but the Lord needed me to just be drenched in him for a few days.

My awesome 4 days started last Thursday the 18th when the kids and I traveled to the Bakersfield area to visit friends and celebrate my son's birthday, he would have been 24 this year. Hard to imagine he has already been gone from us for 4 years:( The kids and I knew this birthday would be hard with dad not around as well, so we headed south! We started the weekend off with a great visit with some nearest and dearest, good food, and lots of laughs. Then Friday morning I was off for a retreat with one of my bestest buds and other women I have known all of my life. For 3 days I was surrounded by people who loved me, adored me, and just lifted me up. Women that have been my mentors, women who have raised me up as a Christian, women that are deep friends of mine, and new this year the women I watched grow up with my oldest boy now there at this retreat as women of God and as new moms. It was a very special weekend indeed.

However, the devil knew how special it was going to be because let me tell you he did everything in his power to stop me from going from the day before I left to the last day of the trip. There was that intense anger episode in my previous blog, 2 yucky encounters with members of my family that had no reason to happen, feelings of guilt because I was spending a few days away from my kids, two horrible migraines while on the retreat, a horrible stomach ache one night, and the worst of all making me feel unworthy to stand in the presence of other Christian women.

But the Lord did prevail, and I had an amazing time. I got to visit with people I haven't seen in years, I got to be hugged and loved on by all my amazing mentors, I got to pray with people that love the Lord with all their hearts and souls, and I got to take care of me for a change.

I came back feeling very tired of course, but also feeling very blessed. I feel so much more at peace with my life, so much more content. Knowing that for what ever reason, which I don't know, the Lord has me in this storm, he knows why and one day that why will be shown to me. Even though I may not be able to see him at work here or I may not feel as though things are happening in my timing or in my way- his glory will prevail no matter what.

The speaker this weekend said "if we are doing what the Lord wants of us we are walking around with a big target on our backs for Satan". Wow- did I feel that way before and during this trip.  But I refuse to walk around scared of that target- I have a great big God that loves me and will take care of me- even when it feels like the target on my back is lit in flames.