Every mom out there has said these words at one point in their mommy hood- "single moms I don't know how you do it". I said them myself on many occasion when my spouse had to be out of town etc. I just saw a young mom say it on Facebook just the other day. Here is why, most women are very fortunate to have a husband like I did, one that is very hands on with the kids, helps around the house, compromises so that mommy can have her own time, etc etc. My former spouse was an AMAZING father and helper husband, I mean seriously from the day they were born he helped me in any way he could all the way up to that awful morning when he left. So for me being a single mom SUCKS!! I know there are some women out there that have not and may never be as fortunate as I was in the husband/father department, and I feel really bad for them, but here is the deal in my situation- I had that pretty great husband/father combo so when he left the sting hit hard.
Seriously overnight it became 100% my job to do everything, and I still don't think I have slept more then 4 hours at a time in the last 4 weeks. You honestly don't realize how much your spouse helped you with until they are gone, you take the little things for granted, like being able to just sit down for 10 minutes, or make your bed. For me this made me sad and angry all at the same time. Sad because I had to look deep down and wonder did I ever tell my former spouse what a good helper he was or did I take that for granted that he just did and pitched in ALL the time? Well lucky for me he and I are on good terms at the moment so I felt comfortable asking him that question, phew he said he knew! Thank goodness.. but then that is when I got mad! If he knew that then how come it was so easy to leave, how come I am the one stuck doing it ALL. But here is what I learned in that instance, I can be mad at the situation I am currently in, but I refuse to poison my heart by being mad at him. Being mad at someone is like drinking poison and expecting the person you are mad at to die. (thank you pinterest for that quote:)
I have friends that have amazing helper husbands and I have friends that don't, so without me even going into detail you can tell which ones understand my current plight and which ones don't. I feel so bad for wives and mommies, always have felt bad, when they don't have helper husbands. And sometimes it is because their husband just isn't around, military, out of town work, whatever the case may be. And sometimes it is because the husbands just don't want to help or maybe they have been raised to think that is the woman's job. Whatever situation I have always felt sad for my fellow mommies, and wished it was different for them.
That being said, every one's personal journey is different, you can never compare it to your own - EVER. There may be similarities in journeys but they are never identical.
When David died there were a few catch phrases that people would say that would be just like nails on the chalkboard- you know people are being kind and they just don't know what to say in a situation like that but take it from someone who heard them, the following are phrases that you should never say to a grieving wife/mother:
"Everything happens for a reason" - yeah I know this- but hearing it doesn't make it better.
"They are in a better place" - um duh! I am a believer I know where he is but darn it I want him here!
"It gets easier over time" - although this one is a true fact when you are in the middle of it you don't care.
There are several more, but why bore you? So in the last 4 weeks I have heard the following phrases that I would highly recommend you NOT saying to a recently single parent.
"God has a plan"- I know this, I know this with my whole heart- but this plan is not mine and gosh darn God- I know better then you! LOL-
"You will get used to it "- EXCUSE ME?? Who wants to get used to being divorced and being a single mom?? Not me.. sorry
"Now you know how I feel" - coming from anyone, even a fellow SP (single parent) this is hard to take, but when someone that is MARRIED still and has a husband/father- this is not a good thing to say.
And my personal favorite that really pertains to my situation right now-
"Well you know statistically when a couple loses a child their marriage ends"- SERIOUSLY like 5 people have said that to me... Who cares about statistics - NOT ME.
Bottom line in regards to this not so short and sweet post- being a single parent is hard, single mom single dad, whatever, it is hard. It is not the same as having a spouse that just doesn't help you as often as you like, it is worse. You are 100% on your own 24 hours a day 7 days a week- as a single parent you are shouldering ALL the responsibilities of not only your kids but the home etc etc..
We were not built for this my friends, single parenthood was not part of God's plan, his plan was a man and a woman raising a family together. That stinking Eve and her apple desire made single parenthood an issue, so I will just add this on my list of things to talk to that Eve about when I meet her in heaven... but for now- stay on your knees, pray for all the single parents out there, because it is hard work, and for the moms that say that famous "single moms I don't know how you do it" I pray with my whole heart that you never have to find out.
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