Sometimes it is so much better for ones mind to just take a step back and breathe, which can be so very hard to do. I am still so grateful for last weekend, just stepping away from the entire situation and getting a clear view on the whole dang lot of it was just what I needed. Sometimes when we feel like we are in the eye of the storm it is so hard to see where the storm begins and ends, and I feel I got to do that this past weekend.
My heart is so sad about my marriage, about my new life, and how my kids will be effected short and long term with all of this. But you can't live in sadness forever, even though at times it feels like a very safe place to be. I feel like sometimes I give myself false hope with what will come to be, and that isn't the best place to be either.
Letting go and let God be in charge of your life is really hard to do, especially for control freaks like me. I know his plans for me are greater then I can ever imagine, I know that no matter what I think is supposed to happen in my life that God is the ultimate planner, and I know that if I just be still and listen then it will all work in the way that glorifies God and his plans for me.
So for now, I am taking a deep breath, trying not to live in the eye of the storm, and mostly just trying to go with whatever way the wind blows me.
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